Where the hell did you guys learn to drive?

Swerving, darting, weaving, slamming on the brakes, passing on the shoulder, tailgating, and blasting the horn - no matter what combination of these I try, I still can't seem to get through to you dumbshits! Just yesterday, I was dialing a number on my cell phone, and when I looked up, a bunch of you assholes had come to an almost complete stop. I had to hit the brakes so hard that I barely had time to grab the steering wheel.

This is getting out of hand!

If you assholes can't show me the common courtesy to just not be on the road at the same time I am, the least you can do is follow some basic rules:

Rule number one: Stay the fuck out of my way. If you can't do that, at least get the fuck out of my way once you screw it up. If I'm driving, I'm trying to get somewhere. I don't need your sorry ass preventing that just because you're afraid to take a free right turn due to the traffic volume. Just go. That's why God gave brakes to those other dumbshits.

Rule number two: Be a good samaritan on your own time. Just because traffic is backed up, and someone is waiting to get out from a parking lot, doesn't mean that you need to let the dumbshit in front of you. Get your ass in gear. If you want to pull this kind of shit, the least you can do is be behind me.

Rule number three: Learn to fucking merge. It's like we have an entire generation of people with deficient merging genes. It's simple, you moron: find a spot to enter into the flow of traffic, and get into it. If I'm only one car length behind the dumbshit in front of me, in front of me isn't the spot to enter. If you look like you could be a cop, I want you in front of me. If I slow down to let you in, don't slow down with me. I drive a fucking Tercel. There is no oomph for me to get back up to speed. In fact, the car is so fucking gutless that if you do slow down, then speed up, it will probably take me a mile or more to flip off your stupid ass.

There are more rules that come to mind, but I don't want to inundate your pea-sized brains with too much sense at once. Hell, considering your degree of idiocy, this may be too much information for you to grasp.

That's my take.