Sportsradio, and idiots with phones

I live near Seattle, and am a home team sports fan. With the exception of the '79 Sonics and the '04 Storm, it's always been about waiting for next year. That's just the way it is in sports. Each year somewhere between 16 and 300 teams start the season with the odds of winning the championship against them. One team just beats the odds.

So, I'm cruising in my Tercel listening to sportsradio to find out the latest about what's going on. Between people with some knowledge about sports, they take calls from local sports fans. Most of them are fucking idiots.

The listeners of my local sportsradio station are fans of the Mariners, Seahawks, Sonics, and Huskies. Each of these teams has had some glory days, but none of them have illustrious histories full of championships. Any local sports fan with half a brain knows this, but having half a brain isn't a requisite for obtaining a phone.

Anyway, one of the phone companies gives some fucking idiot a contract without verifying that the dumbshit won't be calling radio stations. The next thing I know, the stupid ass is calling the Softy show suggesting the Mariners trade Boone and Moyer for Pujols, telling the Gasman that the Seahawks should fire Mike Holmgren and hire Steve Largent, or letting Locke why it was such a big mistake for Martell Webster to go pro instead of going to the UW. Fucking idiots, I tell you! They're so fucking stupid, in fact, that Mitch took the morning, and talks about sex, golf, and other non-sports topics, just to avoid them!

Poor Groz had to have his fucking chest cut open! Sure, the doctors blamed it on him drinking to excess, being fat, and smoking, but who the hell would have the willpower to not get drunk when their job, in part, is talking to clueless fucks with cell phones. After that, he'd have to eat to sober up for the drive home, and smoke cigarettes to cover up the alcohol on his breath in case he gets pulled over or his wife is still up. It's a vicious cycle all started by some dumbfuck offering up a brainfart about defense that they hope he'll pass on to Nate McMillan.

After listening to a series of calls from local dipshits, I can only hope that this isn't a phenomenon peculiar to this geographical area. I'd hate to think that someone in Denver isn't suggesting a Boykens for Shaq trade. About the only team I could accept no stupid calls about would be the Raiders. Of course, radio stations don't accept collect calls even if their fans get phone privileges for being well behaved inmates!

That's my take!

Yeah, I know Jim Edgar

Yes, the world famous author of Bad Cats, and webmaster of My Cat Hates You, Jim Edgar! In fact, I went drinking with Rags, Gonz, and him last evening!

It's cool knowing a famous fucker like him. He tells us about being interviewed on WGN, and his next out-of-state trips for book signings, and shit like that. He thinks he's normal, but that's just because he's an unassuming fucker. He's kind of like Fonzie without the greasy hair. To him, it's just an everyday thing to be offered a poo-poo platter when he can't figure out what to order. But I digress.

I showed up late, so Rags and Gonz had taken the seats across from Jim. That meant that I was the one who had to get up as the chicks came up to have him sign autographs, while they preserved the view of the tits he's signing. They always pull that shit, and it pisses me off so much that I had to take the fuckers over to the other side of the bar and kick their asses at darts. Jim is such a nice guy that he allowed me to win.

They'll probably say I'm bullshitting. Fuck them.

That's my take.

About the Book

This book rates up there with Shane as a book I've actually read. This time, though, I wasn't forced to read it with a passing grade in seventh grade English hanging over my head. Jim Edgar is a fucking genius, and I don't say that just because he's bought me alcohol and let me beat him at darts! If you haven't already, buy yourself a copy today!

Here's what others are saying about it:

"Kids love it!" - M.J. - Neverland, CA

"I liked it real good! Even gooder once Laura read it to me!" - G.B. - Washington D.C.

"George loved the pictures, and cackled like a kid when I read it to him!" - L.B. - Washington D.C.

"I bought ten copies so I could give one to each of my friends and eight of my relatives!" - R.C. - Kent, WA

"I loveth it! Thou needest thine own copyeth!" - W.S. channeled through S.M. - Outer Space

"I chortled so uproarously that I shat in my britches!" - S.C. - Edinburgh, Scotland

"I enjoyed the book! I even bought a copy for my husband, and told him it had a lot of pictures of pussies in it!" - H.C. - Little Rock, NY

"It wasn't what I expected, but I still got a kick out of it. I like to let my female visitors read it so I can watch their tits jiggle when they laugh!" - B.C. - Harlem, NY